Procrastinate much?

Well, I leave tomorrow morning. As a matter of fact, this time tomorrow morning I should be on my way to the airport. Have I packed? Nah. Have I even thought about what to wear? Nah. Made my list of things to pack? Nah.

Running seems to be the last thing on my mind just now. As things start to change in my life, I find myself looking back- trying to figure out what brought on the changes, what one action caused me to choose *this* path. Before training, running used to be the time I could work through issues. I could breathe in, enjoy the peace, think about how I can get closer to my daughter, daydream about who my imaginative little boy will grow up to be, figure out what exactly it'll take to make me happy, etc. Training rolls around and it's "Right, try to sub 8:13 on these next 4 miles and see how that feels-check your gait- don't swing so wide-reel it in-are these the shoes for the race??- damn, that hurts right there, better get it checked tomorrow-what was the pace for Boston again?- Boston-Boston-Boston!" I took something that fixed my brain like an anti-anxiety medication would and made it another source of anxiety. So am I looking forward to running San Antonio this weekend? Yeah. But what I'm truly looking forward to is getting past San Antonio- getting home and finding that non-training rhythm. Going on a few runs just to remember how good it feels to run, without having pace times and finishing times floating around in my head.

I was just reading Rick's post about life and how it flies by entirely too quickly simply because we're all too busy 'living'. He's so very right. We rush to jobs we sometimes don't particularly like, then to after work activities- shuffling children from one event to the next, meeting with the ones we love ever so briefly through the day. We give more of ourselves and our lives to those that don't really deserve it. Why? Because for some reason, we've grown to *need* more. We *need* that bigger TV, we *need* that bigger house, we *need* the Wii and the Xbox and the Playstation and the multitude of portable gaming systems that accompany them. I'm guilty of allowing my children to feel that way. Anytime there's a new 'thing' for the Wii, "Oh mom, we HAVE to get that!". TVs in their bedrooms *need* updated because they are't the flat screen model that can hang on the walls, we *need* a new truck because mine is 5 years old, etc. Kids. Ever wish the information you've imprinted on their brain had actually been done with a dry erase marker? Because then when you realize that your own misguided need for 'things' has been transferred to your littles, you can grab the ol' t shirt, spit and wipe that bit away. With all that taking place, is it any wonder families aren't close anymore? We grow comfortable with the lack of one another, put it down to 'life' and that's just how it is.. So Rick, how do we get back to those Little House on the Prairie days? :)

Right, that's your bit of "thoughtful Mar" for the day. We'll blame it on Rick:)

Meant to run 7 today. Might squeeze it in this afternoon while it's pissing the rain down. I can't be bothered unassing myself at the moment, getting dressed and heading out in the dark. I'm going to lounge a bit, sip some coffee, have breakfast with my little people, drive them to school myself and just pick their little brains- maybe embarrass B a bit by dancing and singing in the car was I pull up to the school (that one always gets her!). It's funny, 3 months ago when I thought about heading out to Texas for 4 days I thought- YES! A break! Time away! It's here and y'know what? Seeing my kids crying because their Mommy is going away for 4 days is just a bit more than I can stand. I think if there weren't so many changes taking place in our home, it'd be ok. It just seems life is going to turn their little worlds upside down during the next 2 weeks and they don't need their mom buggering off to Texas. So would the person who imprinted the guilt on MY brain kindly spit on their t shirt and wipe that bit away??